Penpals

"You will always be a scaredy cat sucking up to the shit they throw in your face.", she told herself wipping away tears from her flushed face, wishing she was one of those heartless people who could stomp upon everyone's heart like it was no big deal. Sometimes she wished she could scream right in their faces, the people who looked at her with disgust, spoke to her in angry tones as if insinuating her of her existence.  Every step she made, every word she said, she was judged and ridiculed for, no matter how hard she would think before doing it or saying it. No matter how much love she poured upon them or how hard she tried to get their attention, the only attention she ever got was that of disgust. She would always think to herself, "Everything is gonna change one day________or will it not?" With mixed feelings of a determination and doubt, she would pass her days lonely. Quietly working upon her life and herself. Until one day she became someone. Someone who e

  Why is it that some people always have to ask for love? Why is it that everyone is so reluctant too shy towards afew but be showering their love upon others? Begging someone for a little love in this vast deserted life. Do they not know how difficult it is to keep your ego aside and ask for a little love, a few words of compassion. And how we hate ourselves little by little after having to have asked for something people get in bundles.  People say there is someone for everyone. Someone who would help you lift yourself up, love yourself and grow as person. And you see everyone having that someone when you are stumbling upon temporary people shamelessly asking for a little love. Oh! how it makes you lose the little respect you have for yourself. So you try to keep away the next time. Pressing yourself, clenching your heart just to preserve your dignity. But you lose, don't you? And you go back to the toxic cycle of love and hate and people gaslighting you. With every ignore you h