Penpals

  Life has been a little rough lately. I had to choose a lot and make some very important decisions. Which got me thinking about the fact how at some point in your life you have to give up on certain thigs that are a part of your identity to achieve things that have been you dreams since the time you started to understand the meaning to the word dream. Its like losing a piece of yourself to create another. Not knowing whether the other one is gonna fit or not. A bittersweet feeling of inevitable loss and a new beginning.  The feeling of uncertainty of whether you should move forward with your life or turn around. So you stop for a moment and wait for your past to hug you from behind but then there is no-one ever coming to hold your hand and stop you. In that moment, you realise that all those people you tried to please all these years wee not your people to begin with and you had wasted you precious time and emotions filling a cracked pot that had been leaking all along. So, you close

  Why is it that some people always have to ask for love? Why is it that everyone is so reluctant too shy towards afew but be showering their love upon others? Begging someone for a little love in this vast deserted life. Do they not know how difficult it is to keep your ego aside and ask for a little love, a few words of compassion. And how we hate ourselves little by little after having to have asked for something people get in bundles.  People say there is someone for everyone. Someone who would help you lift yourself up, love yourself and grow as person. And you see everyone having that someone when you are stumbling upon temporary people shamelessly asking for a little love. Oh! how it makes you lose the little respect you have for yourself. So you try to keep away the next time. Pressing yourself, clenching your heart just to preserve your dignity. But you lose, don't you? And you go back to the toxic cycle of love and hate and people gaslighting you. With every ignore you h

  All your life you kept on believing people hate you. They dont see you worthy. They don't welcome you when you're trying so hard to fit in. When it was not them all along. It was always you who didn't like yourself. YOU, who didn't see yourself worthy.   So you worked twice as hard as others, trying to please others because that was the only way you'd ever please yourself. You thought if you could make people happy, you could be happier yourself. When all it did was cost you your peace and happiness. Giving a piece of you a day everyday gave noting in return but a space so big even a galaxy wont fill in.  BUT was it worth it? Was it worth losing yourself. Because it ended up wounding you  anyways. If anything it cut you even deeper. Hurt you even more. So nobody was happy in the end, not you, not them, noone. You never chose yourself. Never loved yourself. When it always had to be you. You had to love you  you had to choose you. So how were you ever gonna be ha

This world seemed utopic the moment they met. The moon was shining a bit brighter and the sky was studded with stars that night. The breeze was gentle carrying the scent of roses from a garden near by. Everything ordinary appeared extra beautiful.  Its was love at first sight... They waited for hours, days and months to get to see each other again wondering what the other person was doing. Were they in love with them as much. Or had they already forgotten them. Impatient to talk to eachother.  Fate worked in their favour finally.  A new story began : The Spring:   They saw gardens and sunset and birds and buterflies, held hand and heard together the nature's songs. The Summer :  It was a blazing season that year but even the heat had nothing to hold infront of their passion. They thought they kill for one another. But sometimes they would argue so much so someone might have thought they could kill each other. The Autumn :  Everything started to fall apart. There were more arguments

What's holding you back? A little promise made a long time ago? A promise made by someone who probably doesn't even remember it himself? Someone who has shoved you off the hill a million times for their own convenience. You were there, when they chose to unsee your existence. Oh how it broke your heart, as you watched that once so familiar pass you by. and that little amount of time you felt so far apart. A little tear swimming in the bounds of your eyes, cause you were so afraid of someone seeing it. Your weary heart trying to keep with the erratic breathing of chest. You knew them as much as they claimed you didn't. and you loved them even more than that.  How you longed to go back in the time just to live those little moments full of happiness once again and how you wished to relive them over and over again and how you prayed you could have avoided the situation that ended in them leaving you altogether. How you cursed yourself for all the wrong in you. How much you w

A heartache so severe it broke his heart in two. But so familliar and addiciting that the scars were not a few. Heart broken and mended in the similar spot a million times.  A vicious cycle of hurt and happiness. He had become addicted to. Causing storms in the calm sea for a little thrill_some adrenaline. Intentionally causing thunders become so eratic, it hit him in the heart and broke it in two. The storm usually calmed after that. And the reparative phase would begin a little rain and a little sun shine followed by tiny little blossoms and chirping of the birds. But soon he would get too used to it waiting for the storm to begin soon.  He was addicited to the hurt. The lonely dessert of broken hearts had become his home. He visited the sunny beach and the green oasis, in the neighbourhood, every now and then, but he longed to be here in the end, all by himself_ Alone. May be it was a scared little part of him. Reminding him a fearful memory from the past where he was left alone in

So you say, you loved them and so you wanted to protect it from all the bad that had happened to you. You wanted them to not scar in the spots as you. You didn't want them to shed tears on their pillows every night. But that made you grow, didn't it. Thats what matured you. Thats what made you in the person you are today. And don't you think you would most likely repeat the same mistakes in again, given the chance?   Then why do you think halting someone's most needed experience in the process of growth is loving? Do we all not break our hearts once or twice? Do we all not yearn for something so bad, something that we end up losing? Do we all not get tired every night after a long day of running after things that are never ours? Do we all not cry every night or a night every week or month over the things that made our hearts ache? But then did we not learn from it? Did we not learn how to heal our hearts? Did we not learn how to give up our most precious belongings for