Penpals

"You will always be a scaredy cat sucking up to the shit they throw in your face.", she told herself wipping away tears from her flushed face, wishing she was one of those heartless people who could stomp upon everyone's heart like it was no big deal. Sometimes she wished she could scream right in their faces, the people who looked at her with disgust, spoke to her in angry tones as if insinuating her of her existence.  Every step she made, every word she said, she was judged and ridiculed for, no matter how hard she would think before doing it or saying it. No matter how much love she poured upon them or how hard she tried to get their attention, the only attention she ever got was that of disgust. She would always think to herself, "Everything is gonna change one day________or will it not?" With mixed feelings of a determination and doubt, she would pass her days lonely. Quietly working upon her life and herself. Until one day she became someone. Someone who e

  Why is it that some people always have to ask for love? Why is it that everyone is so reluctant too shy towards afew but be showering their love upon others? Begging someone for a little love in this vast deserted life. Do they not know how difficult it is to keep your ego aside and ask for a little love, a few words of compassion. And how we hate ourselves little by little after having to have asked for something people get in bundles.  People say there is someone for everyone. Someone who would help you lift yourself up, love yourself and grow as person. And you see everyone having that someone when you are stumbling upon temporary people shamelessly asking for a little love. Oh! how it makes you lose the little respect you have for yourself. So you try to keep away the next time. Pressing yourself, clenching your heart just to preserve your dignity. But you lose, don't you? And you go back to the toxic cycle of love and hate and people gaslighting you. With every ignore you h

 Its was August the 20th when the first wilted leaf of autumn fell in her garden. There was something about the sad atmosphere of Autumn. With every passing minute every colour she liked faded away. And with every fading colour her heart wilted away. She mourned the blossoms she lost, the birds that chirped on her balcony every morning, and the warm and fresh breeze of spring. She missed everthing about it. It was the only season she had known. She had forgotten about the others lost in the beautiful utopia of the "everything pretty season". She had never dreaded Autumn. She had never thought it would come. So when she the wilt appeared she never gave it much thought but when the breeze turn to gusts and and the blossoms started to wither, she realized that it would be soon when all the remnants of the spring will be gone. Even the little things that reminds her of that one beautiful season that she loved once.  Moments passed. Seconds turned to minutes minutes to days and da

  Dear Bully, Thank you. For all the times you made me aware of the tiny flaws in my being. Flaws that i had not created, flaws i could not remove. Thank you, for choosing just the perfect words to hurt me in a subtly cruel way.  For you, it might have been a moment, a few words, a conversation but to me, it costed me a life full of insecurities. Trying my best to hide them. Always feeling like the entire world saw me that way. Because of those few words of yours, i stopped appreciating myself. And started to look for validation from others.  I thought may be someone would tell me the exact opposite of what you had told me. But then when someone did tell me that. It was hard for me to accept it. So, Thanks to you for making it hard for me to believe in the good within me.  But then, thank you for making me the tough person that i am. I can't say i respect you. I can not make myself respect you, ever.  But if it wasn't for people like you, people like me would never become as

This world seemed utopic the moment they met. The moon was shining a bit brighter and the sky was studded with stars that night. The breeze was gentle carrying the scent of roses from a garden near by. Everything ordinary appeared extra beautiful.  Its was love at first sight... They waited for hours, days and months to get to see each other again wondering what the other person was doing. Were they in love with them as much. Or had they already forgotten them. Impatient to talk to eachother.  Fate worked in their favour finally.  A new story began : The Spring:   They saw gardens and sunset and birds and buterflies, held hand and heard together the nature's songs. The Summer :  It was a blazing season that year but even the heat had nothing to hold infront of their passion. They thought they kill for one another. But sometimes they would argue so much so someone might have thought they could kill each other. The Autumn :  Everything started to fall apart. There were more arguments

What's holding you back? A little promise made a long time ago? A promise made by someone who probably doesn't even remember it himself? Someone who has shoved you off the hill a million times for their own convenience. You were there, when they chose to unsee your existence. Oh how it broke your heart, as you watched that once so familiar pass you by. and that little amount of time you felt so far apart. A little tear swimming in the bounds of your eyes, cause you were so afraid of someone seeing it. Your weary heart trying to keep with the erratic breathing of chest. You knew them as much as they claimed you didn't. and you loved them even more than that.  How you longed to go back in the time just to live those little moments full of happiness once again and how you wished to relive them over and over again and how you prayed you could have avoided the situation that ended in them leaving you altogether. How you cursed yourself for all the wrong in you. How much you w

A heartache so severe it broke his heart in two. But so familliar and addiciting that the scars were not a few. Heart broken and mended in the similar spot a million times.  A vicious cycle of hurt and happiness. He had become addicted to. Causing storms in the calm sea for a little thrill_some adrenaline. Intentionally causing thunders become so eratic, it hit him in the heart and broke it in two. The storm usually calmed after that. And the reparative phase would begin a little rain and a little sun shine followed by tiny little blossoms and chirping of the birds. But soon he would get too used to it waiting for the storm to begin soon.  He was addicited to the hurt. The lonely dessert of broken hearts had become his home. He visited the sunny beach and the green oasis, in the neighbourhood, every now and then, but he longed to be here in the end, all by himself_ Alone. May be it was a scared little part of him. Reminding him a fearful memory from the past where he was left alone in