Penpals

 Someone I keep waiting for. Someone I keep telling myself will come one day and may be show my life to the completion I so desire. A person who will never leave, my forever person_ My Person. Someone God made just for me. Someone flawed in the places I love. Someone who will fill the gaps in me. A breath of fresh air on the brazen hot days of this weary life. Someone who makes you fall in love with the feeling of love and life itself.  On some of my worst days, I would just close my eyes and call out to him in my heart, "I know you're out there somewhere. And I know that you yearn for me the same way I do for you. I know I will find you someday." and sometimes I swear I could feel him answering back to me. Other times he seems like mirage I keep running after but he keeps running away from me. I run and I run but there's still no sight of him. But somehow I still keep wondering in this endless miserable desert of life.  But then, isn't it good that he is so far a...

Sometimes I pretend to be all grown up and moved on with life but truth is I still miss you. Your innocence, your uncontrollable laughter, your big ideas about life. How you would jump out of excitement when you would encounter change. How happy you would become when you met new people, telling them about all the stories you knew, new and old. How you would dance in the rain. How you would get over things that were meant to hurt you. How you loved people. How you never noticed the flaws with in them, instead you saw beauty.  I still remember the days when you would talk to animals, flowers, the moon and the stars. I still remember how you would weave your dreams, day and night and the plans you made. How with every defeat and betrayal you still saw the best in people. you would make yourself believe that you could move mountains if you put yourself upto it. How you waited for that one human to show up_your person. But nothing went as you planned, people changed on and on again. The...

  Life has been a little rough lately. I had to choose a lot and make some very important decisions. Which got me thinking about the fact how at some point in your life you have to give up on certain thigs that are a part of your identity to achieve things that have been you dreams since the time you started to understand the meaning to the word dream. Its like losing a piece of yourself to create another. Not knowing whether the other one is gonna fit or not. A bittersweet feeling of inevitable loss and a new beginning.  The feeling of uncertainty of whether you should move forward with your life or turn around. So you stop for a moment and wait for your past to hug you from behind but then there is no-one ever coming to hold your hand and stop you. In that moment, you realise that all those people you tried to please all these years wee not your people to begin with and you had wasted you precious time and emotions filling a cracked pot that had been leaking all along. So, y...

"You will always be a scaredy cat sucking up to the shit they throw in your face.", she told herself wipping away tears from her flushed face, wishing she was one of those heartless people who could stomp upon everyone's heart like it was no big deal. Sometimes she wished she could scream right in their faces, the people who looked at her with disgust, spoke to her in angry tones as if insinuating her of her existence.  Every step she made, every word she said, she was judged and ridiculed for, no matter how hard she would think before doing it or saying it. No matter how much love she poured upon them or how hard she tried to get their attention, the only attention she ever got was that of disgust. She would always think to herself, "Everything is gonna change one day________or will it not?" With mixed feelings of a determination and doubt, she would pass her days lonely. Quietly working upon her life and herself. Until one day she became someone. Someone who e...

  Why is it that some people always have to ask for love? Why is it that everyone is so reluctant too shy towards afew but be showering their love upon others? Begging someone for a little love in this vast deserted life. Do they not know how difficult it is to keep your ego aside and ask for a little love, a few words of compassion. And how we hate ourselves little by little after having to have asked for something people get in bundles.  People say there is someone for everyone. Someone who would help you lift yourself up, love yourself and grow as person. And you see everyone having that someone when you are stumbling upon temporary people shamelessly asking for a little love. Oh! how it makes you lose the little respect you have for yourself. So you try to keep away the next time. Pressing yourself, clenching your heart just to preserve your dignity. But you lose, don't you? And you go back to the toxic cycle of love and hate and people gaslighting you. With every ignore ...

 Its was August the 20th when the first wilted leaf of autumn fell in her garden. There was something about the sad atmosphere of Autumn. With every passing minute every colour she liked faded away. And with every fading colour her heart wilted away. She mourned the blossoms she lost, the birds that chirped on her balcony every morning, and the warm and fresh breeze of spring. She missed everthing about it. It was the only season she had known. She had forgotten about the others lost in the beautiful utopia of the "everything pretty season". She had never dreaded Autumn. She had never thought it would come. So when she the wilt appeared she never gave it much thought but when the breeze turn to gusts and and the blossoms started to wither, she realized that it would be soon when all the remnants of the spring will be gone. Even the little things that reminds her of that one beautiful season that she loved once.  Moments passed. Seconds turned to minutes minutes to days and da...