Penpals

  Life has been a little rough lately. I had to choose a lot and make some very important decisions. Which got me thinking about the fact how at some point in your life you have to give up on certain thigs that are a part of your identity to achieve things that have been you dreams since the time you started to understand the meaning to the word dream. Its like losing a piece of yourself to create another. Not knowing whether the other one is gonna fit or not. A bittersweet feeling of inevitable loss and a new beginning.  The feeling of uncertainty of whether you should move forward with your life or turn around. So you stop for a moment and wait for your past to hug you from behind but then there is no-one ever coming to hold your hand and stop you. In that moment, you realise that all those people you tried to please all these years wee not your people to begin with and you had wasted you precious time and emotions filling a cracked pot that had been leaking all along. So, you close

"You will always be a scaredy cat sucking up to the shit they throw in your face.", she told herself wipping away tears from her flushed face, wishing she was one of those heartless people who could stomp upon everyone's heart like it was no big deal. Sometimes she wished she could scream right in their faces, the people who looked at her with disgust, spoke to her in angry tones as if insinuating her of her existence.  Every step she made, every word she said, she was judged and ridiculed for, no matter how hard she would think before doing it or saying it. No matter how much love she poured upon them or how hard she tried to get their attention, the only attention she ever got was that of disgust. She would always think to herself, "Everything is gonna change one day________or will it not?" With mixed feelings of a determination and doubt, she would pass her days lonely. Quietly working upon her life and herself. Until one day she became someone. Someone who e

 Its was August the 20th when the first wilted leaf of autumn fell in her garden. There was something about the sad atmosphere of Autumn. With every passing minute every colour she liked faded away. And with every fading colour her heart wilted away. She mourned the blossoms she lost, the birds that chirped on her balcony every morning, and the warm and fresh breeze of spring. She missed everthing about it. It was the only season she had known. She had forgotten about the others lost in the beautiful utopia of the "everything pretty season". She had never dreaded Autumn. She had never thought it would come. So when she the wilt appeared she never gave it much thought but when the breeze turn to gusts and and the blossoms started to wither, she realized that it would be soon when all the remnants of the spring will be gone. Even the little things that reminds her of that one beautiful season that she loved once.  Moments passed. Seconds turned to minutes minutes to days and da

  All your life you kept on believing people hate you. They dont see you worthy. They don't welcome you when you're trying so hard to fit in. When it was not them all along. It was always you who didn't like yourself. YOU, who didn't see yourself worthy.   So you worked twice as hard as others, trying to please others because that was the only way you'd ever please yourself. You thought if you could make people happy, you could be happier yourself. When all it did was cost you your peace and happiness. Giving a piece of you a day everyday gave noting in return but a space so big even a galaxy wont fill in.  BUT was it worth it? Was it worth losing yourself. Because it ended up wounding you  anyways. If anything it cut you even deeper. Hurt you even more. So nobody was happy in the end, not you, not them, noone. You never chose yourself. Never loved yourself. When it always had to be you. You had to love you  you had to choose you. So how were you ever gonna be ha

This world seemed utopic the moment they met. The moon was shining a bit brighter and the sky was studded with stars that night. The breeze was gentle carrying the scent of roses from a garden near by. Everything ordinary appeared extra beautiful.  Its was love at first sight... They waited for hours, days and months to get to see each other again wondering what the other person was doing. Were they in love with them as much. Or had they already forgotten them. Impatient to talk to eachother.  Fate worked in their favour finally.  A new story began : The Spring:   They saw gardens and sunset and birds and buterflies, held hand and heard together the nature's songs. The Summer :  It was a blazing season that year but even the heat had nothing to hold infront of their passion. They thought they kill for one another. But sometimes they would argue so much so someone might have thought they could kill each other. The Autumn :  Everything started to fall apart. There were more arguments

What's holding you back? A little promise made a long time ago? A promise made by someone who probably doesn't even remember it himself? Someone who has shoved you off the hill a million times for their own convenience. You were there, when they chose to unsee your existence. Oh how it broke your heart, as you watched that once so familiar pass you by. and that little amount of time you felt so far apart. A little tear swimming in the bounds of your eyes, cause you were so afraid of someone seeing it. Your weary heart trying to keep with the erratic breathing of chest. You knew them as much as they claimed you didn't. and you loved them even more than that.  How you longed to go back in the time just to live those little moments full of happiness once again and how you wished to relive them over and over again and how you prayed you could have avoided the situation that ended in them leaving you altogether. How you cursed yourself for all the wrong in you. How much you w

A heartache so severe it broke his heart in two. But so familliar and addiciting that the scars were not a few. Heart broken and mended in the similar spot a million times.  A vicious cycle of hurt and happiness. He had become addicted to. Causing storms in the calm sea for a little thrill_some adrenaline. Intentionally causing thunders become so eratic, it hit him in the heart and broke it in two. The storm usually calmed after that. And the reparative phase would begin a little rain and a little sun shine followed by tiny little blossoms and chirping of the birds. But soon he would get too used to it waiting for the storm to begin soon.  He was addicited to the hurt. The lonely dessert of broken hearts had become his home. He visited the sunny beach and the green oasis, in the neighbourhood, every now and then, but he longed to be here in the end, all by himself_ Alone. May be it was a scared little part of him. Reminding him a fearful memory from the past where he was left alone in

So you say, you loved them and so you wanted to protect it from all the bad that had happened to you. You wanted them to not scar in the spots as you. You didn't want them to shed tears on their pillows every night. But that made you grow, didn't it. Thats what matured you. Thats what made you in the person you are today. And don't you think you would most likely repeat the same mistakes in again, given the chance?   Then why do you think halting someone's most needed experience in the process of growth is loving? Do we all not break our hearts once or twice? Do we all not yearn for something so bad, something that we end up losing? Do we all not get tired every night after a long day of running after things that are never ours? Do we all not cry every night or a night every week or month over the things that made our hearts ache? But then did we not learn from it? Did we not learn how to heal our hearts? Did we not learn how to give up our most precious belongings for

Why is it so difficult to cry sometimes? Why are the people who cry or show emotions considered weak? Sadness is a just as human emotion as happiness. Then why do people take expressing sad emotions as weak? What is this stigma associated with sadness, anxiety and depression? I believe, crying and showing sad and dark emotions is rather brave . And if you happen to find the right person to show them to, you might even b ecome happy. Sadness isn't bad, crying isn’t bad at all pretending to be happy is.  Sadness is just an emotion we feel as a reaction to our treatment by others. Stop putting that happy face on all the time (which takes a lot of inner strength as well). But trust me being vulnerable sometimes feels good. Its good let a few tears roll down your cheeks.  While it might appear difficult to make someone understand your tears, try it. You may find answers, and a true friend who would stick by your side forever. With that, collect someone else

Does our fam affect our mindset? They say:         "Society moulds a man." We will start by an example of two kids raised in different families. One family is highly protective of the kid and does whatever it requires to make him stop crying. When this kid grows up he will have developed the habit of been taken care of and getting whatever he wishes either by will or by force. Hard-work becomes an obsolete idea.  On the other hand, the other family also takes care of their kid but instead say No when needed. And rewards the kid with an occasional treats when he does something good. In this process, where the kid learns the difference between good and bad , he also learns to work hard .  Now, when these kids grow up and are faced with same problem. Both are gonna react differently . The former is more likely to panic and not know how to handle it while latter more probably will know how to handle the situation .  Kids who aren't prepared for di

What is maturity? the  state  of being  mentally  and  emotionally   well-developed , and  therefore   responsible . When a kid is born, everything is new to him. Every little thing is a new experience. Nothing fails to astonish him. But as years pass he starts to acknowledge things from his past experiences. That is from where maturity begin. He burns himself a few time to know It is dangerous to go near fire or and eating hot food is a big No No.   We humans tend to overlook that phase of maturity. Maturity is a learning process. The more a person experiences. The more he gets mature. Its doesn't have anything to do with age.       "AGE IS JUST A NUMBER" One might say that greater the age more the experiences but that will be a slant as it is different for everyone. Maturity also comes from how a mind reacts to an experience. Two minds may react differently towards the same experience. Where some may learn some good, other may simply rebel.      And minds mou