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The Missing Part!

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Sometimes I pretend to be all grown up and moved on with life but truth is I still miss you. Your innocence, your uncontrollable laughter, your big ideas about life. How you would jump out of excitement when you would encounter change. How happy you would become when you met new people, telling them about all the stories you knew, new and old. How you would dance in the rain. How you would get over things that were meant to hurt you. How you loved people. How you never noticed the flaws with in them, instead you saw beauty.  I still remember the days when you would talk to animals, flowers, the moon and the stars. I still remember how you would weave your dreams, day and night and the plans you made. How with every defeat and betrayal you still saw the best in people. you would make yourself believe that you could move mountains if you put yourself upto it. How you waited for that one human to show up_your person. But nothing went as you planned, people changed on and on again. Their h
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Crossroads

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  Life has been a little rough lately. I had to choose a lot and make some very important decisions. Which got me thinking about the fact how at some point in your life you have to give up on certain thigs that are a part of your identity to achieve things that have been you dreams since the time you started to understand the meaning to the word dream. Its like losing a piece of yourself to create another. Not knowing whether the other one is gonna fit or not. A bittersweet feeling of inevitable loss and a new beginning.  The feeling of uncertainty of whether you should move forward with your life or turn around. So you stop for a moment and wait for your past to hug you from behind but then there is no-one ever coming to hold your hand and stop you. In that moment, you realise that all those people you tried to please all these years wee not your people to begin with and you had wasted you precious time and emotions filling a cracked pot that had been leaking all along. So, you close
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Scaredy cat!

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"You will always be a scaredy cat sucking up to the shit they throw in your face.", she told herself wipping away tears from her flushed face, wishing she was one of those heartless people who could stomp upon everyone's heart like it was no big deal. Sometimes she wished she could scream right in their faces, the people who looked at her with disgust, spoke to her in angry tones as if insinuating her of her existence.  Every step she made, every word she said, she was judged and ridiculed for, no matter how hard she would think before doing it or saying it. No matter how much love she poured upon them or how hard she tried to get their attention, the only attention she ever got was that of disgust. She would always think to herself, "Everything is gonna change one day________or will it not?" With mixed feelings of a determination and doubt, she would pass her days lonely. Quietly working upon her life and herself. Until one day she became someone. Someone who e
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Shameless Love.

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  Why is it that some people always have to ask for love? Why is it that everyone is so reluctant too shy towards afew but be showering their love upon others? Begging someone for a little love in this vast deserted life. Do they not know how difficult it is to keep your ego aside and ask for a little love, a few words of compassion. And how we hate ourselves little by little after having to have asked for something people get in bundles.  People say there is someone for everyone. Someone who would help you lift yourself up, love yourself and grow as person. And you see everyone having that someone when you are stumbling upon temporary people shamelessly asking for a little love. Oh! how it makes you lose the little respect you have for yourself. So you try to keep away the next time. Pressing yourself, clenching your heart just to preserve your dignity. But you lose, don't you? And you go back to the toxic cycle of love and hate and people gaslighting you. With every ignore you h
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Autumn!

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 Its was August the 20th when the first wilted leaf of autumn fell in her garden. There was something about the sad atmosphere of Autumn. With every passing minute every colour she liked faded away. And with every fading colour her heart wilted away. She mourned the blossoms she lost, the birds that chirped on her balcony every morning, and the warm and fresh breeze of spring. She missed everthing about it. It was the only season she had known. She had forgotten about the others lost in the beautiful utopia of the "everything pretty season". She had never dreaded Autumn. She had never thought it would come. So when she the wilt appeared she never gave it much thought but when the breeze turn to gusts and and the blossoms started to wither, she realized that it would be soon when all the remnants of the spring will be gone. Even the little things that reminds her of that one beautiful season that she loved once.  Moments passed. Seconds turned to minutes minutes to days and da
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A coward's loss

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 I lost you somewhere in the thin air, at a place where we were supposed to meet was where I lost you for my life. I still think about those collective plans, the places we wanted to see together, the things we had on our list. But a person like me did not deserve a person like you. A brave human with heart full of love and courage, who would fight all sort of calamities to save what was ours. Someone who had always protected me from myself. And here I was, a person full of darkness and grief who never knew how to truly be happy. A person who contributed nothing more than self-hate and doubts, someone who never believed someone could love them with all their heart. Someone who would tell people off for loving her because, I would think, "Why would they?" OH! how could I love you when I didn't love myself. I pushed you away a million times but there you were holding on to me like that thin rope that wont let one fall down the ravine. My best friend when I had lost all my r
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Dear bully

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  Dear Bully, Thank you. For all the times you made me aware of the tiny flaws in my being. Flaws that i had not created, flaws i could not remove. Thank you, for choosing just the perfect words to hurt me in a subtly cruel way.  For you, it might have been a moment, a few words, a conversation but to me, it costed me a life full of insecurities. Trying my best to hide them. Always feeling like the entire world saw me that way. Because of those few words of yours, i stopped appreciating myself. And started to look for validation from others.  I thought may be someone would tell me the exact opposite of what you had told me. But then when someone did tell me that. It was hard for me to accept it. So, Thanks to you for making it hard for me to believe in the good within me.  But then, thank you for making me the tough person that i am. I can't say i respect you. I can not make myself respect you, ever.  But if it wasn't for people like you, people like me would never become as
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